In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours we
guarantee no miscarriages.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11
A.M. daily.
In a Bucharest
hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig
elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In a Paris
hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of
the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow
hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the
cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are
buried daily except Thursday.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave nothing to hope for.
In a Tokyo
hotel: Is frighten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do
such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may
have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok
dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since
the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna
hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black
forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women,
live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that
purpose.
In a Zurich
hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in
the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by latest Methodists.
In a Rome
laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today no ice cream.
In a Copenhagen
airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in
the bar.
At a Budapest
zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to
the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco
hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles
and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself.
From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously
at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
